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When you are grown up in an environment where you're only loved impliedly, and you've never felt how it is to be loved, later in adulthood, you will eventually realise how almost impossible it seems to cross that distance, let yourself experience closeness, and how otherwordly love feels now. You will always be spreading love and care towards others, but you flinch when someone does the same to you. And over and over, you could see so clearly how everything around is mixed with that sensation of distance and coldness.